Entry #11 The Pen

The Pen

     The nervousness I feel once my foot entered the door, the pit of my stomach in knots, and now no time to spare. I get to the computer where I sit for my ENG101 class but my nervousness can’t get my MEID and password right, over and over again I type, what?  This is the right password; I keep getting it wrong (I just don't have time for this!) I want to scream, then I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and within-that breath I pray slightly for Gods help to calm me, and finally it worked. But when I pull up the email for my Final Writing project #3 it didn't send. IT DIDN"T SEND! Why? My heart wanted to jump out, faster and faster it beats. Thank God I have my PC with me easy fix, so why must I get so worked up? It’s the last day of the hardest class I have ever had, and my Kryptonite.

  I say Kryptonite because never in my life, have I never thought I was ever good at writing. My English teacher in high school told me I was stupid once, so I walked out her class the moment the words came from her mouth. So sitting here in college ENG101 fighting with this computer that has my WP#3 hostage, darn right I'm might be lousing it. I'm fighting for that B+ praying for an A.  I finally get my paper sent from my PC  to my MEID email  and now  printed, when Prof. Nielson tells us this isn't our final submission all my anxiousness for nothing! I think deep inside Prof. Nielson has a masochitic side the way he made me feel all those emotions. My ears were now on fire from the pain form all the adrenaline I had worked up.

    Now sitting in class we have a cute college girl from ASU talking about "what do you want to do with the rest of your life?" I sit, listening but still a little nervous, I never know what to do with my hands so I move and shuffle things around in-font of me, my folders, notes and now the keyboard, and that’s where I find the pen. It’s a black uni-ball pen extra fine point with silver lines which made the shaft of the pen look like an Excel spreadsheet with a solid black cap and silver embellishment; one would clip to shirt pockets. I sit and ponder this pen and think "what a shame someone lost this pen." As I sit and ponder further of what this pen symbolizes to me at this moment, taking from this pen as a symbol of "write" of passage, as one would say, a kind of literary play on a words, fitting for a pen that now has meaning. So to me this pen symbolizes that moment where I fought so hard to climbing that wall and thought I was going to fall and found if I kept fighting and not give up and asked for help, help would arrive. I feel like I have accomplished the biggest obstacle of my life. I know this is just the beginning of many to follow but if I fight for it I can persevere. I will use this pen to write my graduation speech of acceptance and acknowledge all those who helped pave the way for my success. Its starts with one mighty pen and a heart to create something wondrous.